{"id":251,"date":"2008-10-29T07:27:00","date_gmt":"2008-10-29T14:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/?p=251"},"modified":"2012-05-04T19:13:07","modified_gmt":"2012-05-04T16:13:07","slug":"cu-si-despre-parinti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/2008\/10\/cu-si-despre-parinti\/","title":{"rendered":"Cu \u015fi despre p\u0103rin\u0163i"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Preambul: Arhi<\/a> \u015fi Zoso<\/a> au stres legat de p\u0103rin\u0163i, de faptul c\u0103 li se bag\u0103 \u00een vie\u0163i, c\u0103 poate a fost mai bine c\u0103 s’au rupt de ei, etc etc. Cred c\u0103 to\u0163i avem momentele astea, c\u00e2teodat\u0103.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Ar fi bine s\u0103 se \u00een\u0163eleag\u0103 punctul de la care pornesc, \u015fi care e un fel de motto: “To\u0163i copiii \u00ee\u015fi iubesc p\u0103rin\u0163ii necondi\u0163ionat, dar nu to\u0163i p\u0103rin\u0163ii \u00ee\u015fi iubesc copiii”. Vorba aia, c\u00e2nd e\u015fti mic ce \u015ftii? C\u0103 o chestie mare \u00ee\u0163i d\u0103 de papa, te cur\u0103\u0163i c\u00e2nd faci pi\u015fu(caca), se joac\u0103 cu tine, interac\u0163ioneaz\u0103, etc. Ca p\u0103rinte, trebuie s\u0103 faci un minim de efort pentru ca copilul s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i r\u0103spund\u0103 la interac\u0163iuni. \u00cen schimb, cunoa\u015ftem zeci, dac\u0103 nu sute de cazuri, c\u00e2nd p\u0103rintele \u015fi-a tratat proenitura ca pe ultima otreap\u0103 de pe lume. C\u00e2\u0163i p\u0103rin\u0163i nu \u00ee\u015fi trateaz\u0103 copiii ca pe ni\u015fte animale? C\u00e2\u0163i nu le cump\u0103r\u0103 juc\u0103rii care nu le plac, ci care \u00eel atrag pe adult? C\u00e2\u0163i p\u0103rin\u0163i nu-\u015fi \u015fantajeaz\u0103 emo\u0163ional copiii? Countless …<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Face\u0163i o compara\u0163ie: cum spune americanul(englezul)? “My son” sau “My daughter”. Adic\u0103 “fiul\/fiica mea”. Cum spune rom\u00e2nul? “Copilul meu”, indiferent de v\u00e2rst\u0103. Practic, unii p\u0103rin\u0163i le fac un adev\u0103rat program de via\u0163\u0103 copiilor, dorind s\u0103 se realizeze social prin ei. Al\u0163ii doresc s\u0103 \u00eei \u0163in\u0103 \u00een dependen\u0163\u0103 emo\u0163ional\u0103 de ei pentru toat\u0103 via\u0163a. Nu spun asta \u00een clar, dar condi\u0163ioneaz\u0103 t\u00e2n\u0103rul cu ore de revenire acas\u0103 tembel de mici, cu telefoane de justificare (unii men\u0163in asta \u015fi dup\u0103 ce fata s’a m\u0103ritat), cu explica\u0163ii legate de banii cheltui\u0163i, cu multe altele.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Mul\u0163i copii, la sf\u00e2r\u015fitul copil\u0103riei \u015fi \u00eenceputul pubert\u0103\u0163ii, \u015ftiu ce vor fi \u015fi cum. Pentru c\u0103 mami \u015fi tati \u00eei \u00eenva\u0163\u0103 care sunt interac\u0163iunile acceptabile, ce s\u0103 fac\u0103 \u00een societate, care s\u0103 fie pozi\u0163ia lor. De asta un copil care e crescut pe pozi\u0163ia “eu sunt OK, restul sunt ne-OK”, poate deveni din persecutor nazist, un Martor al lui Iehova. Pentru c\u0103 schimb\u0103 doar anturajul, grupul vizat de sintagma “ne-OK”, nu \u015fi mentalitatea. De asta copiii de p\u0103rin\u0163i alcoolici ajung s\u0103 se plaseze singuri \u00een pozi\u0163ii de loser, pentru a-\u015fi primi \u015futul \u00een fund meritat \u015fi deci interac\u0163iunea a\u015fteptat\u0103. Po\u0163i tr\u0103i cu p\u0103rin\u0163ii \u00een cap, cu preceptele \u015fi modelele lor, toat\u0103 via\u0163a. La oric\u00e2t de mul\u0163i kilometri fizici care v’ar desp\u0103r\u0163i.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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S\u0103 ne \u00een\u0163elegem: prin asta nu condamn \u00een mas\u0103 p\u0103rin\u0163ii. Este, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, lucrul care perpetueaz\u0103 specia, \u015fi care m-a f\u0103cut \u015fi pe mine s\u0103 fie aici. P\u0103rin\u0163ii pot fi o binecuv\u00e2ntare, dac\u0103 sunt pe aceea\u015fi lungime de und\u0103 cu tine, \u015eI te las\u0103 s\u0103 te dezvol\u0163i a\u015fa cum ai vrea tu. Dac\u0103 \u00een copil\u0103rie \u00ee\u0163i dau binecuv\u00e2ntarea “Cre\u015fte, fii independent, puternic \u015fi stabil. Ac\u0163ioneaz\u0103 spre a fi fericit.”. \u015ei c\u00e2\u0163i dau binecuv\u00e2ntarea asta? Prea pu\u0163ini. Po\u0163i fi ca Arhi<\/a>, s\u0103 divor\u0163ezi mental de ei, \u015fi s\u0103 mergi mai departe singur. S\u0103 refuzi s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2i legat.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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\u015ei totu\u015fi, ajunge un moment de sl\u0103biciune, ajung dou\u0103 conversa\u0163ii \u00een casa p\u0103rinteasc\u0103, ajunge s\u0103’\u0163i aminte\u015fti nostalgic de vremurile frumoase c\u00e2nd, cu toate c\u0103 nimic nu mergea bine \u00eentre voi, parc\u0103 \u00een cuibul de acas\u0103 era mai bine dec\u00e2t pe picioarele tale. \u015ei recidivezi. De asta spun, by default, \u00eentotdeauna, c\u0103 alegerea corect\u0103 este distan\u0163ierea men\u0163inut\u0103. Oric\u00e2t de insensibil ar p\u0103rea.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Preambul: Arhi \u015fi Zoso au stres legat de p\u0103rin\u0163i, de faptul c\u0103 li se bag\u0103 \u00een vie\u0163i, c\u0103 poate a fost mai bine c\u0103 s’au rupt de ei, etc etc. Cred c\u0103 to\u0163i avem momentele astea, c\u00e2teodat\u0103. Ar fi bine s\u0103 se \u00een\u0163eleag\u0103 punctul de la care pornesc, \u015fi care e un fel de motto: …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-251","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-fara","7":"anons"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/251","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=251"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/251\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2651,"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/251\/revisions\/2651"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}