{"id":4606,"date":"2017-04-24T11:46:35","date_gmt":"2017-04-24T08:46:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/?p=4606"},"modified":"2025-10-17T20:02:27","modified_gmt":"2025-10-17T17:02:27","slug":"rezolvind-problema-gresita","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/daimon.me\/blog\/2017\/04\/rezolvind-problema-gresita\/","title":{"rendered":"Rezolv\u00eend problema gre\u015fit\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Descop\u0103r un fir de discu\u0163ie pe o tem\u0103 .. s\u0103 zicem vag sensibil\u0103: “What are the things you cannot tolerate about your parents and that which you won’t do to your children?<\/a><\/em>“. Cu alte cuvinte, “ce nu ve\u0163i face copilului propriu, fiindc\u0103 pe propria piele c\u0103 e na\u015fpa?<\/em>“. R\u0103spunsurile sunt, ca de obicei, variate \u015fi destul de predictibile:<\/p>\n

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I will teach my children to argue rationally. My house growing up, it was dad shouting until everyone else decided to pretend he was right so he would calm down.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Talking about puberty and sex. I grew up one of five and none of us had any sex education out of what was taught at school. When I got to college, my mother wrote me a letter that I didn’t need to give in to peer pressure and have sex.\u00a0I’m a male. I was jerking it at 13 and lost my virginity at 16.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Just make up the answers to questions they ask. If I don’t know the answer to a question my kids ask, we sit down together and research it ourselves. “just because it is” isn’t an answer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

My dad would get mad and yell at me for the slightest infraction. I grew up to be an anxious person.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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Absolutely no privacy. My parents would request that the door to my room always be open, and they would just walk in if it was closed. Spontaneous room searches as well, and interrogations about my social life.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Bun? Cred c\u0103 se \u00een\u0163elege cam care-i tonul.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Este foarte normal s\u0103 \u00eencerci s\u0103 faci lucrurile mai bine. Sigur c\u0103 da. Este foarte valid s\u0103 \u00eencepi chiar cu acele tipuri de probleme pe care le cuno\u015fti intim.<\/p>\n

Un t\u00een\u0103r adult, ce a fost supus lipsei de intimitate pe c\u00eend era copil, \u00een\u0163elege foarte bine c\u0103-i o t\u00eempenie cu spume. Cam ca orice exagerare, de altfel: a nu vorbi cu copilul deloc despre sex, sau dimpotriv\u0103 a-l t\u00eer\u00ee \u00een problemele tale conjugale; a face micromanagement cu comportamentul cuiva, zbier\u00eend la cea mai mic\u0103 abatere; sau, dimpotriv\u0103, a te durea \u00een pul\u0103 de ceea ce face.<\/p>\n

Totu\u015fi, exist\u0103 un pericol \u00een abordarea asta reactiv\u0103: merge \u00een direc\u0163ia fix opus\u0103, \u015fi doar \u00eencolo.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

S\u0103 explic pe un exemplu ipotetic: fie un tip care-a terminat ceva facultate de Litere, traducere & co, iar acum \u00ee\u015fi caut\u0103 o slujb\u0103. Are de ales \u00eentre 10 firme, care toate \u00eel doresc.<\/p>\n

Firmele cam tind s\u0103 aib\u0103 o cultur\u0103 institu\u0163ional\u0103 proprie — acel set de reguli mai scrise sau mai nescrise, “la noi se fac lucrurile a\u015fa<\/em>“. Firma 1 are regula c\u0103 la ei pauzele de mas\u0103 nu exist\u0103,\u00a0\u00eenfuleci un senvi\u015f \u015fi-o cafea \u00een 10 minute, \u015fi fugu\u0163a \u00eenapoi la munc\u0103; pauzele de \u0163igar\u0103 nu exist\u0103. Firma 2 are regula c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 te descurci pe cont propriu tot timpul, chiar \u015fi \u00een chestiuni mega-complexe. Firma 3 e format\u0103 dintr-o clic\u0103 de tipi care sunt to\u0163i prieteni unii cu al\u0163ii, dac\u0103 e\u015fti mai retras \u015fi nu te tenteaz\u0103 un gr\u0103tar s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00eenal cu colegii atunci ai spre 0 \u015fanse de promovare. Firma 4 este compus\u0103 din oameni cu un feti\u015f pentru poezia obscur\u0103 din Nepal, \u015fi pentru b\u0103ut jazz cu cafeaua de diminea\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

Zece firme, fiecare cu t\u00eempi\u0163ii proprii. T\u00een\u0103rul absolvent alege o firm\u0103, s\u0103 zicem chiar pe prima, \u015fi munce\u015fte la ei un an. Totu\u015fi, dup\u0103 un an, sastisit de firimiturile dintre taste \u015fi de oboseala cronic\u0103 de la holbat \u00een monitor f\u0103r\u0103 pauz\u0103, ar dori s\u0103 fac\u0103 o schimbare.<\/p>\n

Merge t\u00een\u0103rul la interviuri, \u015fi de 9 ori \u00eentreab\u0103 acela\u015fi lucru: “b\u0103, la voi sigur pot m\u00eenca lini\u015ftit \u00een pauza de mas\u0103?<\/em>“. Sigur\u00a0se poate s\u0103 mai ie\u015fi la o \u0163igar\u0103, sigur nu trebuie s\u0103 te caci pe fug\u0103? Se poate acea minim\u0103 normalitate, f\u0103r\u0103 ie\u015firi isterice din partea managerului? Toate cele 9 firme \u00eei vor r\u0103spunde, desigur, s\u0103 nu-\u015fi fac\u0103 griji. Nimeni nu practic\u0103 “a\u015fa idio\u0163enii”.<\/p>\n

T\u00een\u0103rul nostru cel profesionist schimb\u0103 deci firma. \u015ei \u00eencepe s\u0103 asculte rap doar c\u00eend st\u0103 pe bud\u0103, s\u0103 nu se aud\u0103 prin c\u0103\u015fti c\u0103 nu-i jazz.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Acela\u015fi, da’ exact acela\u015fi lucru \u00eel \u00eent\u00e2lnim \u015fi la p\u0103rin\u0163i. \u015ei la prieten\/prieten\u0103. \u015ei la profesori, uneori.<\/p>\n

Oamenii supracompenseaz\u0103\u00a0ca r\u0103spuns\u00a0la problema ce-i arz\u0103toare \u00een mod curent. Te-a b\u0103tut mama, \u015fi cu motiv \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103? P\u0103i\u00a0copilul propriu nici nu-l atingi, nici m\u0103car cu un m\u0103nunchi de nuiele. C\u0103-i na\u015fpa, \u015ftii de pe propria piele c\u00eet de r\u0103u doare. Iar inten\u0163ia, g\u00eendul din spatele deciziei, este o chestie nobil\u0103.<\/p>\n

Da’ ce faci c\u00eend copilul, ca orice copil fiind el, nu ascult\u0103? P\u0103i, un p\u0103rinte chitit s\u0103 nu foloseasc\u0103 for\u0163a fizic\u0103 va compensa prin alte metode; de exemplu, \u00eencepe cu manipul\u0103ri psihologice. Vai, dar dac\u0103 nu faci cum vreau eu, nu m\u0103 iube\u015fti. Dac\u0103 nu m\u0103n\u00eenci tot din farfurie, nu e\u015fti copilul meu, nu te recunosc. \u00centr-un fel, pare mai ok a\u015fa. Nu doare, nu se vede, nu pleac\u0103 omule\u0163ul la \u015fcoal\u0103 cu bra\u0163ele \u00eenvine\u0163ite. E\u015fti un p\u0103rinte model — doar c\u0103 copilul tot pl\u00eenge pe ascuns.<\/p>\n

Treaba asta se vede \u015fi prin cupluri, de altfel. Fiecare om aduce dup\u0103 sine un bagaj ((Cuv\u00eent-cheie \u00een englez\u0103, baggage<\/em>, da.)), un geamantan de dureri vechi. Fostu’ te-a tratat ca pe un simplu obiect ata\u015fat pizdei, singura chestie care-l interesa?\u00a0Ast\u0103zi faci istericale dac\u0103 b\u0103rbatul nu te trateaz\u0103 minim ca pe o prin\u0163es\u0103. Sub acel minim, sim\u0163i c\u0103 te apropii prea tare de via\u0163a de dinainte. Treaba asta e perfect valabil\u0103 \u015fi pentru b\u0103rba\u0163i, de altfel. Partenera anterioar\u0103 avea fixa\u0163ie pe cur\u0103\u0163enie, te punea s\u0103 te descal\u0163i din prag, \u015fi eventual voia \u015fi s\u0103-\u0163i speli farfuria imediat dup\u0103 mas\u0103? Am ca o presupunere cum va ar\u0103ta urm\u0103toarea gagic\u0103:\u00a0mai degrab\u0103 \u00eeng\u0103lat\u0103.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Sigur, nu toat\u0103 lumea face asta. Unii reu\u015fesc s\u0103-\u015fi dea seama c\u0103 r\u0103spunsul corect la extremism nu este un alt extremism de semn contrar, ci o atitudine mai degrab\u0103 laissez-faire<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Totu\u015fi, omul fugind de n\u0103lucile care-s prea vii \u00een minte-i nu tinde s\u0103 fie ra\u0163ional. C\u0103 p\u00een’ la urm\u0103, amintirea durerii r\u0103m\u00eene mult timp dup\u0103 ce durerea \u00eens\u0103\u015fi a disp\u0103rut, iar comportamentul de r\u0103spuns la durere nu dureaz\u0103 mult p\u00een\u0103 se osific\u0103 \u00een ritual \u015fi-n fixa\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

P\u0103rin\u0163ii \u00ee\u015fi cresc copiii cu sechele, chiar \u00een timp ce \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103-i fereasc\u0103 de alte lucruri ce dau sechele. Diver\u015fi oameni cu dureri din trecut le cauzeaz\u0103 cu drag \u015fi cu spor alte dureri, de semn contrar, celor de l\u00eeng\u0103 ei. Genera\u0163ia urm\u0103toare trage dup\u0103 ea ponoasele \u00eenainta\u015filor, se vindec\u0103, se love\u015fte \u00een alte c\u0103caturi, le paseaz\u0103 pe alea mai departe..<\/p>\n

Via\u0163a merge \u00eenainte, t\u00eer\u00ee\u015f-gr\u0103pi\u015f. ((Sursa pozei: pexels.com<\/a>))<\/p>\n

\"pexels-photo-105543<\/a><\/p>\n